Five Queer Avengers And One Straight One
by Khashana
Summary: Also known as that time when it turned out the Avengers were actually one of those friend groups where all of them are queer and don't know about each other, except for that one straight guy.
1. Chapter 1

Age of Ultron is not a thing because it messed with my plot.  
Also I have next to no idea how this started with so much Steve not being naive about technology and then wrapped up the actual plot really fast in a single long scene.

* * *

1.

As soon as Steve woke up, he knew he'd been had. Nothing about his nurse's outfit made sense, and he was sure he'd heard the game on the radio before. His proof came in seconds, as he burst out of the facility and was faced with the reality of modern day New York. So he knew immediately three things about Nick Fury and SHIELD. 1. They would not hesitate to lie if it served their purpose. 2. The mistakes would be there, but they would not necessarily be obvious. And 3. He could not let his guard down around them. Ever.

When he saw the Stark technology aboard the helicarrier, he understood that Fury had been downplaying the extent to which technology had evolved. By a lot. It was only natural to search the carrier for secrets when he had free time. He was not disappointed.

After the Battle of New York, when the Avengers had split up, Steve ended up back at his SHIELD quarters, which were bare as bones. He couldn't just pick up and leave without making everyone suspicious; he rather liked the idea SHIELD had of him as a rule-following acolyte of good. The longer they didn't know anything about him, the more he could find out, the safer he'd be, and the longer he'd have government backing to do things. Who knew if the façade would be worth keeping up in the end, but for now, he'd lay low.

What he could do, was continue his pattern of going out "to do some sketching, sir, got to keep my skills up" or "got a hankering for one of them danishes". He sometimes did sit down in a café and draw, and sometimes did pick up a danish at the local Starbucks, but he often went somewhere else, too. Today, Steve climbed on his bike and searched town for an electronics store. When he spotted the AT&T logo, a symbol he'd seen on some agents' phones, he pulled over and wandered inside.

It was a spacious room, with a central console for an employee to help out customers with problems and simple displays of cell phones around the perimeter. Steve took his time looking around. He examined headphones, played with the phones you could actually try out, and read the little informative booklets and signs.

"Can I help you with anything, sir?" the console employee called out eventually.

"Yes, actually," said Steve, pasting his best 'harmless and friendly' smile on. "I'm trying to be more internet safety conscious—can you tell me about information security? How to keep anyone from spying on your internet, your cell phone data, that sort of thing?"

"Absolutely," said the employee, and launched into a speech. Steve listened attentively and read between the lines.

"Thank you so much," he said when the woman was done. "One last thing, I'm thinking of buying a new computer, what do you use?"

"Apple for a full-on desktop," she said, "but a StarkPad for travel. That's got tons of security already on it, too."

Steve had been asking mostly to find out what store he should visit to research computers specifically, but that was interesting.

"StarkTech is good, I know that," he said casually.

"The best," said the employee. Not gushing, just stating a fact. "Personally, I just know how to use a Mac and I don't want to learn a whole new operating system…" Steve thanked her and wandered back over to the StarkPhones. A little poking around the one on display, and he was satisfied. He took it up to the counter and paid for it, making sure to stuff a few bills in the tip jar on his way out.

Steve took up residence at the nearest Starbucks and began setting up his new phone. Once he was sure all the promised security features were turned on, he started doing research.

First, he looked into the American government—who had been president, what major changes they'd made, et cetera. He skimmed through the Wikipedia articles on the major events of the years he'd missed. (Why did this website have entire pages dedicated to _years_? People became more inexplicable when you hadn't grown up in their time, Steve mused. Parents and children forever doomed to misunderstand each other. Previously-frozen supersoldiers staring in disbelief at their smartphones.)

Once he was satisfied that he had a basic understanding of the general history he'd missed, he opened up Google, determined to research a subject that had popped up in his Wikipedia traversal.

 _Gay rights._

Steve read for hours, about how queer people (which wasn't a slur, now? Unless you pluralized it, 'queers', or weren't part of the group, apparently) in America had gone from being a loud in private, quiet in public community to a community getting marriage licenses and being public figures and playing respectability politics. Steve had to remind himself not to grind his teeth even if any wear _would_ grow back—it was the principle of the thing. No causing himself damage over things he couldn't fix, Bucky had always told him, it was bad enough patching him up over the damage he caused by getting into fights over things he _could_ fix.

Queer people had separated into neat little categories, and the ones called _transgender_ were playing the respectability politics game, but with less success. A small minority remained on the fringes, mainly those who didn't fit neatly into categories or who brought other factors into the mix and complicated things. Queer people of color, queer disabled people, transgender people who didn't look like what people thought they should, nonbinary people. It seemed gay people had thrown transgender people under the bus in order to lift themselves up and make nice with the straights, and something similar was happening with binary and nonbinary trans people, not to mention asexual and aromantic people.

He read about the marriage equality fight in the American state governments, and the fight to change one's name and gender on legal documents. He read through a list of notable public figures who were out, like Chaz Bono, Jazz Jennings, and Laverne Cox, who were transgender; and Neil Patrick Harris, Ellen DeGeneres, and Elton John, who were gay; and Angelina Jolie, Krysten Senema, and Tony Stark, who were bisexual.

Huh.

There was definitely a way he could use this to get a good reaction out of Tony.

He got distracted from the idea over the sudden collapse of SHIELD and being on the run with Natasha, but then Thor showed up and started organizing scepter-hunting trips, and, consequently, Tony started throwing battle-detox parties in the Tower. On one such battle, they encountered a gorgeous blond HYDRA member, and Steve, smirking, noted the look on Tony's face. In the ensuing party, he sidled up to Tony.

"So, that blond guy."

"Hmm, Spangles?"

"That your type?"

Tony actually spluttered, and Steve started laughing.

"What makes you say that? It's not nice to assume people are into a given gender, Captain Tightpants."

"I'm not assuming anything, you're all over the internet as bi," said Steve casually, enjoying the expressions Tony was making. "And I saw the way you looked at him."

"I was sizing up the enemy!"

"No, you wanted to screw him six ways from Sunday."

More spluttering. Steve thought he should probably be less amused by this.

"All right, fine, I wanted to screw him six ways from Sunday," said Tony finally. "Why exactly are we talking about this?"

"Just making conversation," said Steve innocently. "Finding common ground. And besides, I thought he looked an awful lot like me." He winked and walked away, trying not to break into hysterics at the strangled noise Tony made behind him.

2.

"Wait, wait, wait, common ground?" Steve paused to let Tony catch up to him. "Are you insinuating something, Mr. All-American Apple Pie?"

"Insinuating implies I was trying to hide," replied Steve, openly grinning now. "Apparently you don't have to do that anymore. At least not if you look like me," he added as an afterthought, smile dimming as he remembered some of the news stories he'd read.

"No way," breathed Tony. "Captain America is queer?" Steve thought ruefully that he'd said it loud enough that absolutely none of the spies and Norse Gods in the room had missed it. There went his fun.

"As a two-dollar bill," he answered.

"Just men? Or is it stars _and_ stripes?" Steve facepalmed and shook his head.

"One, there's more than two queer orientations. Two, really? That's the metaphor you're going with? Three, yes, I like my men how I like my women." He winked, and enjoyed Tony going slightly pink and hurrying away, muttering about how he had to be in the workshop, things to do, people, R&D doesn't run itself you know.

3.

"Really?" said a quiet voice behind him, and Steve was very proud of _not_ jumping out of his skin. "You're bi?"

"Yep," said Steve, turning to face Clint. The look on his face was indecipherable, but he nodded.

"I just—I wish Phil was here to hear that," said Clint softly, not meeting his eyes. "It would have made his year, to know his hero was into guys, too."

Steve placed his expression, and he reached out—slowly—to put a hand on Clint's bicep.

"You loved him, didn't you?" Clint nodded, and finally looked up at him.

"He didn't know, though. It takes me a long time to get romantic feelings about people, I have to be really close to them beforehand. That doesn't happen a lot in my line of work."

"Demiromantic," said Natasha, who had somehow crept up on his elbow without him noticing. Damn sneaky spies.

"What?" said Clint, looking at her.

"The romantic spectrum goes from people who feel romantically attracted to people frequently and significantly, to people who never do, with a lot of variation in the middle," said Steve. "Demi means what you just said—you have to have an emotional bond first."

"It parallels the asexual spectrum," said Natasha, and Clint lit up in understanding.

"Demiromantic, then. And probably gay. Doesn't happen enough for me to be sure." Natasha took his hand, and Clint looked at her gratefully, squeezing it.

4.

She turned to meet Steve's eyes.

"I'm aro-ace," she said, and Steve felt as though he'd been granted a precious gift. Natasha Romanoff was trusting him with something core to herself.

"I'm really glad you wanted to tell me," he said seriously, trying to convey everything with his eyes. Natasha gave him a small smile.

5.

"You Midgardians are so funny, being attracted to only some genders," said Thor offhandedly from where he was texting Jane on the arm of the couch. Steve and Natasha exchanged a glance and said "Pan," at the same time.

+1.

"Well, damn, are any of us straight?" said Clint. "Did Earth's Mightiest Heroes really turn out to be a queer collective? That'd be real funny to explain to the Republicans."

Bruce raised a hand tentatively.

"Token straight guy," said Natasha, smirking. "Got to have one of those."

"What just happened?" asked Bruce, taking off his glasses to clean them.

"Queer people tend to find each other, even before they're out," said Steve.

"Everyone in a friend group turning out to be queer except this one straight person is actually very common," added Natasha.

Bruce blinked a few times.

"Well, I've handled being the 'big green rage monster'," he said. "I think I can deal with being 'the token straight guy'."

* * *

And I demonstrate my new inability to write endings.

Stars and Stripes reference from this: post/98356669595

I can't for the life of me find the photoset with Steve saying "I like my men how I like my women. That's it. That's the joke. I'm bisexual." But it's out there.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I considered this fic done until kaci over on AO3 posted this comment:

Lovely. Any chance for a sequel with a Phil rescue?

And the more I thought about it, the more I wanted a new chapter with some closure. So this happened.

* * *

"You're never going to believe this," said Steve over the phone.

"Try me, I'm SHIELD," said Clint.

"The new director of SHIELD is Phil Coulson."

Clint couldn't speak. Natasha took you the phone from his unresisting hand and spoke to Steve herself. Arms wrapped around Clint and he jumped, realizing that at some point Natasha had hung up, and he hadn't noticed the time pass.

"Talk to me," she said.

"I could fix it," said Clint, bewildered. "I could find him and ask him out. I get a redo, Nat."

"You do," she agreed. "And you'll never forgive yourself if you don't try."

"That – that doesn't happen. I fuck things up. I have to live with it. That's how life works."

She pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Life never works the same way all the time. That would be boring."

He clung to her until the stupid irrational wave of fear and hope and disbelief receded.

"We ought to meet up with him anyway, hash out the relationship between the new SHIELD and the Avengers. I'll call Steve back," Nat was saying, and Clint just nodded into her shoulder.

Steve and Phil agreed that such a thing was necessary, and the meeting was scheduled for a few days later.

Clint barely heard a word of it. Steve shot him in the occasional worried look throughout, and when the meeting closed, he said, "Did you want a minute with Agent Coulson, Hawkeye?"

Clint nodded, and the others filed out, silently except for Tony ("Wait, why Hawkeye, is there something nobody's telling me –")

And Clint was left alone in a conference room with Coulson, who was looking concerned. Clint couldn't meet his eyes.

"Agent Barton? What do you need?"

Just say it, Nat had advised him. Don't talk yourself into a hole. Just say it. "Go out with me." He raised his head, finally, to look at Phil, whose mouth was slightly open.

"Clint, I – I don't understand. You never..."

"I didn't know," said Clint. "I didn't know I could – could care about you like that, and then I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't know you were going to die, and I didn't know you were going to resurrect and I would have another shot. Nat said I'd regret it forever if I didn't try, and the only thing I do know is that she's right. So. This is me, asking you on a date."

"Yes."

Clint blinked. He hadn't actually thought about if Phil didn't explain that he was sorry, but he only saw Clint as a friend. "I'm not going to say I've been in love with you for years or anything, Clint, I've always made a point not to entertain romantic thoughts about my subordinates. But I've always thought you exceedingly attractive, and I do care about you, so I'm willing to give it a shot when it clearly matters to you a great deal."

Clint nodded, still unable to speak. Hot tears formed in his eyes, and he blinked furiously.

"Hey." Phil got up and came around to Clint's end of the conference room and sat down in the chair next to him. He reached over and took one of Clint's hands, squeezing it tightly. "Was I imagining things, or did Captain America just help set me up?" The attempt at humor worked. Clint felt his emotional control settle back down where it was supposed to be as he laughed.

"You could say that. He was the one who called me to tell me you were alive."

"Have you been outlining your plans for if I were to miraculously resurrect in the living room?" asked Phil, his mouth quirking up.

"We had a team heart to heart and exchanged sexual orientations," said Clint, grinning. "Guess what, Captain America is bisexual."

It was Phil's turn to go speechless, and Clint's turn to squeeze his hand and wait for Phil to pull himself together.

"If I had known," breathed Phil.

"I know," said Clint quietly.

"What did he say, friend Clint?" boomed Thor, sticking his head back in.

Clint laughed.

"Oh, I think I'll take him," said Phil dryly. "He's nice to look at."

"Excellent!" said Thor. Over his shoulder he added, "The son of Coul has accepted friend Clint's offer!"

"Sounds like we're getting married," said Phil, and Clint buried his face in his hands.

"I don't know about your taste, Agent, honestly," said Tony as the Avengers somehow all ended up back in the room. "You've got myself and Captain America both on BuzzFeed's top 10 bachelors to snag, and you're going for Legolas?"

"Tony," said Steve, but he was laughing and shoving Tony gently in the shoulder.

Phil herded them all out of the conference room a second time, citing business for all, but held Steve back.

"Captain Rogers, I understand I have you partly to thank for this."

Steve shook his head. "Made a phone call and gave an opening, sir, it wasn't any effort."

"Well, I'd like to make some not–effort in return. Why haven't you asked out Stark?"

Steve, to his credit, only blinked. "I might have been relationship material before the ice, sir, at least once I was in less in danger of suddenly dying of a chill, but that man isn't around anymore."

"What does that mean?" asked Tony, stepping out from around the next corner.

Steve looked at Phil. "You knew he was there, didn't you?"

"I certainly hoped," said Phil.

"I used to think about getting married, buying a house, having a life," Steve said to Tony. "But now it's just the next mission. That's what gets me through the day, completing the next mission, stopping the next threat."

"I told Pepper after Afghanistan that nothing mattered except being Iron Man," said Tony. "Meant it, too. That was my whole life, building suits, blowing up my own weapons." He shrugged. "It got easier. Not that I stopped getting through my days by making better suits, but eventually other stuff mattered again, too. If that's not something you're up for, that's legit, but what I'm wondering is why Agent mentioned it in the first place."

He and Steve turned to look at Phil.

"You look at each other like there's nothing you rather be looking" at, said Phil softly.

"What would you want with a man old before he's 30?" asked Steve.

"What would you want with, what was it you called me, a grade–A professional troublemaker?"

"Maybe I like trouble," said Steve, and they seemed to have forgotten Phil was there, but he had nowhere to sneakily slip off to except for back into the conference room.

"And maybe I'm just as old, if I got there a little slower," said Tony.

Steve's hand came up to Tony's face. "Didn't I ever tell you how many enlistment forms I lied on to get into the army?" he murmured. "You're exactly the best kind of trouble. It's just, I barely even know how to function in the world anymore. And you're, you're a genius."

"Doesn't mean I function, just ask Pepper," said Tony, and they were only a foot apart now, "You want to not function very well together?"

"Hell, yes," breathed Steve, and pulled him in.

Phil expected to feel weird about watching his childhood idol and the man he once threatened to taze if he didn't invent a new element kissing each other like there was nothing they loved more. But he was just happy for them.

"Nice one, sir! And I thought I was the one with good eyes."

Rogers and Stark jumped and broke apart. They had definitely forgotten they weren't alone.

"Clint, I think you need to stop calling me sir if we're dating," Phil told the archer, who had evidently doubled back to see what was taking him so long.

Clint, for his part, couldn't remember the last time he smiled so much. That was his Phil, calmly confident and fixing everything, and Clint was actually going on a date with him. Maybe Phil was good enough at not fucking things up to help Clint not fuck this up, too.

(And he was. When Clint went off the rails, Phil was there to guide him back. And when Phil was too trapped in his order and neatness to see another way, Clint was there being completely harebrained and somehow managing to make something useful happen, and Phil would talk as though it was a strength, and Clint would finally believe that his life was more than a series of mistakes the day that Phil flung an arm over him to keep him in bed despite the alarm clock and muttered a sleepy "Love you" into Clint's ear as he acquiesced and climbed back in.)

* * *

There's this beautiful fic called Falling From a Pedestal to Land on Even Ground by Ralkana on AO3. Steve comes out at a team dinner and Coulson can't handle it, because he used to tell himself 'Captain America isn't queer' to try to stop wanting boys. Clint comforts him. And it's absolutely exactly the emotion I want you to be imagining when Clint tells Coulson Captain America's bisexual. You should go read the thing and feel all of the things.


End file.
